Hidden feelings
I told Ted about the phone calling. He listened with great attention, with a smile on his face and that brown eyes staring at me. In the end, he had the reaction I thought he would. He respected very maturely the opinion of the producer, but maintained his position. He told me that is already an image he wants to create virtually, I already could figure that out. We laughed about this whole episode after all.
We share the same ideas and values about social perspectives, which is why we always keep talking for hours. We went to the supermarket to buy soda, the heat of California is so strong. There I felt that we were getting more comfortable with each other. Now, we made fun of an episode involving both of us, we’re getting closer.
Returning to the apartment, we talked about the small project I wanna make with him, and the possibilities that I could help him with his papers. Out of nowhere, I joked about the name of someone very important that could add strong value on the project and he, coincidentally, had met her on a dinner. It’s very funny, because when I was writing the project, she always came in my mind for it, but it was a remote possibility getting in touch with her. I do not know, I prefer to believe that this is a sign from god or something, I’m kinda tired of being rational all the time.
He took me to his room for the first time to show me a poster. That was 10 tips on how to work efficiently in a project with big group, like ours. He was reading the poster for me with a big smile on his face. I get crazy when I see him like that. In the room, I started to notice and comment on pictures of him with his girlfriend. One in particular that had dollar bill attached to it. He told me that on the night they met, he was playing about paying her for a kiss, so he gave her the dollar bill. She saved it, and after while they were together, she gave it back to him.
This made me think about three things:
1- How he’s takes a relationship so seriously.
2 – How come a person could touch him so strongly making him keep objects related to that person.
3 – He told me he met his girlfriend on a friend’s house party, and they kissed on the same night. I got so envy of this episode of his life. He is lick enough to meet someone that he like, then kiss, love, and all work out fine like. I havent been invited to a friend’s house party for a long time. My confidence to kiss someone on the first night is very low.
He went to his appointment. He always meet those nerds at night. He left me at his apartment finishing part of the main project. I tried to take a nap, I was sleepy all day. I could not sleep. That’s when I pulled out my phone, and started writing this. I need to express this feelings somehow. I’m completely in love with a guy, and I know that there’s no chance to work it out.
When I wrote this last sentence, I decided that I need to meet someone. I looked for a hook up over the social App on my phone. Lame, I know. A guy who always checked on me was online. He lives close by. I hit him up, and in 10 min I was on my way to meet him. I went to his place, we met in random room of his building. Where he locked up the door, and he fucked my face, he was very sexy and have a nice dick. That was hot, but I could never stop thinking about getting a disease outta of it. He came in my mouth, and I came a lot on the floor. I spit it out right way, and I drove back to the apt as fast as I could. I wanted to brush my teeth as soon as possible. When I spit it out I saw tons of red in my saliva. His dick was big enough to make me bleed a little. I’m worry, if this guy has anything, that would pass it for me easily.
This whole thing made me feel really bad. I never liked to be meeting random people and hookup, but that’s basically what I’ve been doing for the past few years. It is about time for me to shift my concepts about meeting people, even in terms of sexual orientation. I don’t want this anymore. I was so worry about some disease that I text him later asking if he was clean, he didn’t reply. I think this question is a bit offensive, but fuck it. I’ll never gonna see him again, anyways.
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